posted by Joe Anaya on October 29th, 2012

If I had unlimited funds and storage space, I’d have one of those houses that had tons of Halloween decorations and fog machines, with the yard cordoned off into a haunted grave yard, etc. But I don’t have the storage space or the budget to do all those things, so I just use my enthusiasm for creativity on making costumes.

Costumes are a peek into people’s personalities. I’m not sure what they all mean but you know the person who went out and rented an actual knight costume is a very different person than the guy who stuffed a pillow under his shirt and declared himself a “fat man.”

There are the people who are worried about looking cool, almost always dressed as vampires or cowboys. There’s the joke costumes (the bearded guy dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz), the naughty costumes (she’s an electrical outlet, he’s a plug), the too hip for the room costume (the guy in the wetsuit carrying a boogie board saying, “internet”), obscure too-much-thinking costumes (What the heck is a blue ribbon on a paper chicken taped to your T-shirt? Chicken cordon bleu!). And there are the topical costumes; a few years ago, I went to a party where there was more than one “balloon boy.”

We’ve all heard the complaints about how Halloween is now an opportunity for women to dress like harlots. I for one am all in favor of this trend. If a woman wants to prance around in a super short white dress exposing her red underwear, God bless America for giving her the freedom to dress like a slutty nurse. If women can’t dress like tramps once a year than the terrorists have won. And I for one won’t stand by and have people badmouth this great country of ours. Uh, wait, where was I? Oh, yeah.

My personality? I like the homemade costumes. I’m not talking about the childhood sheet-over-the-head ghost or coffee grinds on the face hobo. (Whatever happened to hobo costumes? I guess they’re too close to homeless.) I am loath to buy a costume. Anybody can do that. But can anybody turn a place mat, a batting helmet and a feather duster into a samurai helmet? Other costumes I’ve made include: the fat Las Vegas Elvis, a knight riding a chicken wire horse, and Speed Racer.

I was in a slump when I was dating my wife. She wanted us to wear matching costumes (usually lame things). Once, I had to be Aladdin to her Jasmine. While cute, baggy pants and a purple vest just doesn’t feel that impressive. Halloween is a chance for me to be creative and show everyone my crafti-ness.

I am willing to try a family theme. Something I, my wife and kid could go as. But now our kid has an opinion. Mostly he has been interested in dead things, i.e. zombies, ghouls, ghosts, the grim reaper. So, there was no shared theme. This year he decided to be a Roman centurion. I was Hercules last year, so I didn’t think I could wear another toga this year. I’ll just muddle through this year.

Next year maybe I can talk everyone into a Lord of the Rings theme. If only I can convince my kid to be Gimli, the dwarf. Although by next year, he’ll probably be taller than my wife. I guess I have a year to convince her to be a bearded dwarf.

File Under Mr. Cool