posted by Joe Anaya on November 2nd, 2012

At the end of Halloween, I rummage through my kids bag and extract my “Dad tax” for helping with his costume and taking him around the neighborhood. Skipping over the fact that the candy bars have gotten smaller (there’s nothing “fun” in the fun size half-a-bite candy), here’s a list of the top candies I’m looking for in his bag. Disclaimer: I’m not a big fan of gooey things like caramel or taffy.

10. Tootsie Rolls – Mainly on the list for sentimental reasons. The little turds are barely chewy, so maybe that’s what saves them from being rejected outright. Usually, I’ll take a Tootsie Roll payment as a last resort.

9. Homemade cookies – Whatever with razor blades and needles. Free cookies are worth the risk.

8. Klondike Mints – Mmm, minty freshness.

7. Snickers – A really good candy bar contaminated by caramel.

6. Hershey’s chocolate bar – While my tastes have evolved to more dark chocolates, I still enjoy the purity of plain old chocolate. Some how the flavor is better in a bar shape than in a Kiss droplet.

5. Twix – What could be better than a wafer cookie wrapped in chocolate? Basically, a Kit Kat bar that’s nearly ruined by caramel. Fortunately, the stickiness is so minimal; I can overlook the abominable cross mutation.

4. Kit Kat – Here’s the real deal. While in Ireland on my honeymoon, I bought a box of a test version of orange flavored Kit Kats. Needless to say, they didn’t make it back to the United States, the test flavor or the box.

3. Crackle – Rice crispy things inside chocolate? Genius! How do they keep them from getting soggy?

2. Butterfingers – There’s something awesome about the weird crunchy texture of the golden stick-to-your-teeth interior.

1. 3 Musketeers – My son loves these also, so it’s always a battle to pry them from his hands. When ever I spot the tell tale silver and blue wrapper, I slyly distract my son and slip the chocolate treasure into my pile.

Enjoy the sugar rush.

Editor’s Note From Matt W: Typically Joe A. and I alternate Fridays and let whatever the other person writes stand on it’s own… but that’s not happening this week. No caramel because it’s gooey? Go see a counselor and start playing in the candy big leagues. There was a house in my neighborhood growing up and they were from Canada and they handed out great caramel every year. Another house always gave out caramel apples and the caramel was home-made and I would eat the caramel off the apple and throw the apple into the woods to be eaten by the raccoons on my way home. I could pick out both houses today; they were the CARAMEL houses. Almond Roca, Milky Ways, Milk Duds, $100,000 Bars; Joe A. you’re missing out!

File Under Mr. Cool