posted by Joe Anaya on February 18th, 2013

Not only do I work in movies but I love to watch movies too. So, when it’s awards season, I get a little extra fun out of the whole handicapping the winners. Here are my thoughts:

Best Actor:
Joaquin Pheonix, The Master-Nobody saw this movie. So, no.
Denzel Washington, Flight-Same as above.
Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables-Singing? Laughing.
Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook-Crazy people, also known as actors, playing crazy people usually do pretty well, unless you’re up against…
Daniel Day Lewis, Lincoln-The Academy loves certain actors. They’ll get nominated for almost anything. Think Meryl Streep, with a beard and high-pitched voice. Winner.

Best Actress:
Quvenzhane Wallis, Beasts Of The Southern Wild-Youngest nominee (she was six when she made the movie) in a film I didn’t see. The Academy can’t pronounce her name and will wait to see if she continues acting. Nope.
Emmanuelle Riva, Amour-Oldest nominee (She’s like 80 something) in a foreign film I didn’t see. The Academy likes to give awards to what feels like someone’s last chance but sadly, doesn’t like to give it to non-English speakers. Not going to win.
Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty-Have I mentioned how much I like redheads? But playing an obsessive CIA agent won’t generate any hugs.
Naomi Watts, The Impossible-A powerful performance, at least that’s what I’m told. Didn’t see it, so she’s not going to win.
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook-She’s really good and playing a crazy person to boot. That smells like victory.

Best Supporting Actor & Actress:
Do you really care? I don’t, so let’s just say Tommy Lee Jones because he’s usually pretty good and Anne Hathaway because it’s okay when women sing.

Best Animated Film:
Wreck It Ralph-This is my dark horse pick. Although it’s tough to go against Pixar and Brave. (I think Pixar is 7-0.) I’ve heard Wreck It Ralph is really good. A movie adults will like as well as kids. So, not having seen it, the ads feel like a winner.

Best Documentary & Documentary Short:
Here’s a tip. The documentary branch of the Academy loves to give these awards to anything about the Holocaust or exploited children. Although this year Searching For Sugar Man was a doc that actually got some exposure (people went to see it) so it may have a leg up. Inocente just sounds like a short about someone’s kids being exploited, right?

Best Picture:
Amour-A foreign movie about old people that I didn’t see.
Beasts Of The Southern Wild
-A beautiful movie about a kid in the south that I didn’t see.
Life Of Pi-A beautiful movie about a kid at sea that I didn’t see.
Django Unchained-A Tarantino movie “about” slavery. It’s way too politically incorrect to win.
Lincoln-Another movie “about” slavery with Spielberg, Daniel Day Lewis, and Tommy Lee Jones is a pretty good start. Boring people about the politicking to pass an amendment is a bad end.
Zero Dark Thirty-A procedural about how we found Bin-Laden. Maybe.
Silver Linings Playbook-Good actors playing crazy people that makes you feel good at the end. That’s a tough call.
Argo-A really good movie, but Hollywood doesn’t like Ben Affleck (the director) because he got to date Jennifer Lopez when she was hot and they made Gigli. But a funny thing happened. Because the academy doesn’t like him he didn’t get nominated for Best Director (It was a pretty obvious snub.), but now everyone feels guilty and Argo is getting a lot of momentum. I think Argo rides the guilt train all the way to the award.

Since I don’t get to see that many movies (see my previous post about movies being too long), I take no responsibility for your Oscar party ballot. Take my picks with a grain of salt. Here’s a secret: if you want to win your Oscar pool, just copy the Los Angeles Time’s predictions. Good luck.

File Under Mr. Cool