posted by Matt W on September 9th, 2011

At Male Pattern Madness we celebrate being a middle-aged man. While there are a few perks associated with this time of life, there are also a few things that all men our age would rather do without. Here are my top ways you know you have picked the right blog to follow:

10.  Your arms are no longer long enough to read anything and if they were the print would be too small to read.

9.  Your time standing at the urinal at a ball game has approximately doubled since you were 18 (you also look for lines with young men in them as they will be faster).

8.  You are considering replacing your 2-iron with a hybrid, but being a traditionalist can’t quite pull the trigger (sorry if you’re not a golfer).

7.  Without asking if it’s OK, the barber works on your eyebrows and ears.

6.  At the gym, you pick the treadmill over the pick-up game on court 3.

5.  You secretly pay attention to the suggested serving size on the side of the box.

4.  You take an ibuprofen with your multi-vitamin every day.

3.  You swear you have always been a half an inch taller than what the doctor just measured.

2.  You think everything that your son wears was worn by girls (girlie socks and tight jeans) and everything your daughter wears was worn by hookers when you were a kid.

1.  Instead of trying to push gasses out like you did as a young man to gross out your buddies, you wake up every morning and pray to God the seals hold.

There it is my top 10 reasons. Joe’s list will be posted next Friday. What are yours?

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