posted by Joe Anaya on January 6th, 2014

It’s been a couple of weeks since New Year. And let me say, “I really hate New Year’s resolutions.” I’m not really a New Year’s resolution kind of guy myself. Usually, if I think something would be a good idea, I start doing it right then. I don’t wait until January first. But that’s not what drives me to hatred. It’s everybody else’s resolutions that affect me.

GET IN SHAPE – The gym becomes instantly overcrowded. I can’t get on the basketball court without waiting at least three games. The line for the weights is two deep. And all the rowing machines are taken. There isn’t even room to stretch out because of all the women waiting around for the spin classes. Other people’s desire to “get in shape” means I can’t stay in shape until at least March when the majority of new members quit coming.

LOSE WEIGHT – I’m all for losing weight. I’ve done it many times. “Lose 5 pounds to get back to 155.” “Lose 10 pounds to get back to 160.” “Lose 15 pounds to get back to 165.” But what I can’t stand is that I’m by default on a diet, when my wife decides to lose weight. I get that it’s easier for her if there aren’t cookies in the house to tempt her. But come on, use some self-control.

FIND LIFE BALANCE – This is code for “work less.” While the general idea is great, it usually means the guilty party goes home before all their work is done. So the people around them have to pick up the slack or wait until tomorrow to finish their jobs. Throwing off the life balance of the workmates of the Resolution-ary.

QUIT (insert BAD HABIT here) – Smoking, drinking, dating losers, you name it. We all know who’s trying to quit smoking. They’re the one’s who are sniping at everyone while slapping on nicotine patches and chomping gum as if their life depended on it. Again I’m all for these life improving goals, but don’t bark at me because you picked up a nasty habit as a teen and still can’t kick it.

Basically, I’m saying that if you want to set a resolution, “More power to you.”  But keep the collateral damage to a minimum.

Originally posted: 1/16/12

File Under Jack of all Trades