posted by Matt W on July 30th, 2014

I pulled into the Fred Meyer parking lot in a bit of a hurry. I got out of the car and as I rapidly headed toward the front door I saw a young man, about 25 years old, standing next to a car. A young woman about the same age was approaching the car with a small bag of groceries. Here is the conversation I overheard.

“You left the rear window open. You have some nice things in the back seat so you should remember to roll it up,’ was his comment as she approached.

“How do you know it was me that left it down? It could have been you!” was her already heated response. I tried to send telepathic married-middle-age man response choices to him to no avail.

“It’s your car, when would I have rolled down the window?” Ouch. I dramatically slowed my pace to make sure I heard the whole conversation.

“You’ve been in my car a lot!” was her even more agitated response.

“But I have never been in the back seat, and the controls are on your door.” was his seemingly logical but ever weakening response. I could tell that he was just starting to understand the error in even bringing up his comments. Sometimes I pity the young and inexperienced.

“Well I didn’t roll down the window in the back seat so it wasn’t me, and I don’t appreciate the accusation!”


I literally laughed out loud. I almost followed it up with an “I feel your pain, brother,” but he was already in enough trouble.

So as we at Male Pattern Madness like to share little pearls of wisdom with from time to time with our future middle-aged male cohorts, I thought I would explain how I would have dealt with that situation in an attempt to save them a little bit of pain.

So as in the scenario above you come up to the car and notice that your wife/girlfriend/significant other/female acquaintance you don’t want to piss off left the back window rolled down and there is something of value in the back seat. This is what I would suggest you do:

Option #1 – Get in the car, roll up the window, say nothing. This is far and away the number one option.

Option #2 – Get in the car, roll up the window, and if you think your significant other noticed you rolling up the window and is about to say something repeat the following words, “Wow, your outfit looks great today!”

Option #3 – If you’re feeling a little ballsy, and want your female friend to know she left the window rolled down say, “WE must have left the back window rolled down when we went into the store… and have I mentioned how great your outfit looks today?”

There you have it young men, the middle-aged male approach to dealing with a woman. I know it doesn’t make sense yet as any guy friend would respond, “Oh thanks, let’s go get some food,” but as someone who has been married for over 26 years, you have to trust me on this one.

(And if you happen to be reading my blog today Honey; your outfit looks great today!)

File Under Jack of all Trades