posted by Matt W on September 17th, 2014

Living in the South for the last decade has introduced me to some interesting ways of saying things. Y’all, you’ins and fixin have all been used by people around me far too frequently. ”I might, could do that,” is my favorite “least favorite” way of saying things. You might do that or you could do that, but not both. At a previous job I was asking a designer to print out an extra copy of a drawing for me. He responded, “I don’t care to do that.”

“Seriously, I really need an extra copy of the drawing.” I clarified.

“I don’t care to do that.” He again replied. Now this is the nicest person I have probably ever met and he has never refused a request I have made before. I ask again.

“I don’t care to do that” was again his response. Our boss had been listening in on the conversation and finally decides it is time to step in and clarify.

With his huge southern accent, he interjects, “Matt W., he’s saying he will do it for you. You just don’t understand him because you’re a damn Yankee.”

I clarified, “So what you were really saying was ‘I don’t mind doing that for you.’?”

“Yes, that is correct.”  He said as he walked off to print an extra copy of the drawing while the rest of the group continued to make Yankee jokes.

Thinking back on this story made me think of all the phrases we use but the meaning is different from the actual words used. So, I have compiled a short list of phrases I have learned over the years with the actual meaning in parentheses.

With all due respect (Because I have no respect for you because you’re an idiot), we’re not going to do it your way.

Bless your heart (I feel sorry for you because you’re an idiot), you can have half of my sandwich if you forgot yours.

Whatever (I’m pissed but I’m tired of fighting so), you can have the last piece of pie.

It’s for the best (someone important to you died, and I don’t know what to say), he’s in a better place (someone important to you died, and I don’t know what to say).

I’m not racist, but (if anyone else said these words even I would think they were racist, but) people that aren’t the same color as I am, are wrong.

Literally (I actually mean figuratively, because what I am about to say is highly unlikely), I could eat that whole pie (but in my case is definitely true).

Like (I have nothing interesting to say, but I really like talking and don’t want to lose my turn quite yet, so I put in a “Like”, and will use them liberally throughout the remainder of this monologue), I forgot what I was going to say. Oh, yah, like…

LOL (You would have actually heard me if I really laughed out loud, so it couldn’t have been that funny, but texting has invaded my brain so I have lower standards for humor), that was pretty funny.

Each and every day, new meanings are established for existing words. There are so many other good examples, I could literally, go on forever, LOL, but bless my heart, I’m, like, done.

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