posted by Matt W on June 10th, 2015

A while ago, we were all watching a TV show and there was a sexual reference that my son and I chuckled at but my wife didn’t get. It was fun to watch my son explain to his mother what the sexual innuendo actually meant in terms that wouldn’t get him thrown out of the house. Where was my wife in junior high?

While at the gym a few days later, I overheard a conversation between a group of women in their 50s that went something like this. “I need to go home and take care of my hedges and trim my bush.” My inner junior higher is already chuckling a little under my breath. Another replies, “I need to go home and take care of my trees.” They discuss hiring a man and joke of woodland creatures doing the work. “What I really need is a good beaver man.” Another chimes in “I need a good beaver man too!” It continues on this way for quite some time. Now as I live in a conservative state and these women were 50 and kind of frumpy, I’m guessing they were laughing at the vision of a small woodland creature that was really good at pruning trees. Crazy. So, now I’m really wondering, where were all the women during junior high school?

I remember as a junior higher there was a guy on my paper route that had bumper stickers all over his walls and one said, “Save a tree, eat a beaver” which I found funny. I also remember having a much different view of the bumper sticker a few weeks later when I learned a different meaning for the word in the boy’s locker room.

Although, I guess men aren’t immune to missing those locker room life lessons. Many years later, my extremely conservative religious father-in-law was very into flying and wanted to get a very popular type of float plane called a Beaver. In passing, one day, a fellow pilot had said, “I never met a Beaver I didn’t like,” and my father-in-law started dropping this line to everyone he met. I remember the conversation I had with my brother-in-laws about who was going to tell him he might want to stop. The oldest brother got the unenviable task. I’m sure the conversation was very similar to the conversation I had with my girl-friend in college who liked to respond “No thank you, once you’ve had black you never go back” whenever she was asked if she liked cream in her coffee. I digress.

So apparently, it was determined that every junior high boy would get indoctrinated into the crude language of sex, while girls talked about something else. But apparently this doesn’t apply pre 1960s. Which explains why a buddy of mine’s mother bought him a KumonIwannalay U “college” T-shirt on a trip to Hawaii when he was in High School and HE wore it proudly until someone told his dad what it meant.

originally posted 7/27/11

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