posted by Joe Anaya on June 2nd, 2014

We’re heading into summer and that means wedding season is upon us. True to form, my niece is getting married soon. Matt W. is also heading out west for a niece’s wedding. So I thought I’d spend some time going over the things I’ve learned about weddings.

When you get married, you have to make compromises for the first time, on things that you’ve had visions about for a long time. As the groom, you’ll give up control to what is often the dream of a young lady, a dream she’s fostered since she was little. I know that sounds sexist, but you know it’s true.

When you decide how big your wedding party will be, divide by five. That’s how many friends you’ll get to invite. Say you decide 100 people is a good number for your wedding. Your wife-to-be gets half. You’re down to 50. Remember that each invitee will get to bring a guest, and yet for some reason this math only applies to the groom’s guest list. Now you’re down to 25. Also remember to subtract for a few cousins and family friends of your parents. So from the 100 guests, you get to invite 20 friends.

Now that you’re down to picking your closest 20 friends, you’ll also have to keep in mind that certain friends come in bunches. If you invite one, you have to invite two more because they’re in the same tier of friends. So, check your list for peers and how it affects your guest list.

But really the number one rule for grooms-to-be, “Never say, ‘I don’t care.” No matter how many napkin patterns you have to see. No matter how much the flatware all looks alike. You can never, ever, EVER say, “I don’t really care.”

If you want to be a little tricky, even though you really don’t care what pattern is on the plate, just casually reject the first choice. This will make your bride think you’re paying attention and actually have an opinion. You can then say you like the second choice better, “But whatever makes you happy honey.” How can she argue with that?

On the big day, be prepared to see your friends for only 10 minutes apiece. Don’t feel bad about not spending enough time with your married friends. They’ll know what it’s like at weddings and won’t be offended that you took off to say “hi” to another friend who just walked in.

Weddings are a great celebration of love and commitment. Planning a wedding is often the first test of how well your marriage will work. If you can get through planning a wedding, you have a decent shot at a lasting marriage.

File Under King of the Castle