posted by Matt W on October 12th, 2012

Joe A. and I have known each other since 6th grade and graduated from the same high school together. Well, it’s high school reunion time for the two of us. I’m always excited about going back home to Washington, getting to see the gang I grew up with, makes it all the more special. I’m really excited! In honor of our reunion, I decided to list the top ten things people do before going to their high school reunions. Feel free to add any you come up with below.

To the list.

10.          Read a few books off the NY Times Best Sellers list – It’s good to have a conversation starter. “I didn’t know Matt W. actually read books in high school, but then again I also didn’t know he could speak either.” (I was pretty quiet in high school.) Unfortunately, I’ve only read a couple from both the fiction and non-fiction list. Fortunately, it’s a long flight.

9.            Become well versed on ALL political candidates, so you don’t seem like an ass to 50% of the crowd – Since that’s all they will remember about you until the next reunion. “That Matt W. still seemed pretty nice, but can you believe he’s voting for…, what an idiot.”

8.            Use Grecian Formula – Is that still a product? I haven’t actually watched a commercial since I got my DVR. Now’s the time to remove the gray, since I am probably going to be bald at the next reunion anyway.

7.            Get a new reunion outfit – I personally am just going to find something ironed and go with it. I hate ironing. I do all my ironing while watching golf tournaments on TV. My wife said early on in our marriage, “You can watch as much of the Masters as you like… as long as there’s an iron in your hand.” My 8 iron joke didn’t go over very well; tough crowd.

6.            Google people from your class you didn’t like to make sure there not more famous than you – Nothing worse for the reunion ego than a successful jerk.

5.            Get new business cards made with a cooler sounding job title – Can I legally reprint the Federal Government’s logo? Whatever, I’m sure they don’t care; Big Brother rarely watches me. That reminds me I’m late to my Two Minute Hate.

4.            Get pictures of your family to show off to the old crew – Everyone always wants to see pictures. Crap, I really need to find some pictures.

3.            Work out, get a nose job, take steroids – We all want to look our best, even if that best isn’t really how we look. SUDDENLY I FEEL SO ANGRY, I SWEAR THEY TOLD ME THEY WERE SUPPLEMENTS. STOP JUDGING ME!

2.            Make sure someone that remembers everyone’s name is going to be at the reunion and hang out with them – As I mentioned in a previous blog, I am horrible at remembering names. Throw in the multiple years of memory degradation and my inability to read name tags and I’m totally screwed for the reunion. Danny M., I’m counting on you, big guy!

1.            Go on a diet – In honor of my reunion and contrary to my goal, I actually put on a 10 spot. (I am a weak man.)

Off to the Reunion. Have a great weekend!


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