posted by Joe Anaya on May 21st, 2012

In case you haven’t realized: guys are visual creatures. It’s genetically true. Men have more cones in the center of their eyes than women do. I vaguely remember reading that men’s brains have a larger portion dedicated to visual stimuli or that vision is more directly wired to emotion or something like that. So, men can be very emotional about what they’re looking at. And if you’ve never put it together, men are visually stimulated sexually. Previously, I posted a comic describing the state of man’s visual mentality towards sexiness.

Men like to look at women: the less clothes the better. And despite women’s self-critical view, men have a very broad range of acceptable figures that excite us. Again, it mostly comes down to how much skin is showing. Beauty and nudity; it’s a combination scale of what men are interested in looking at. Obviously, a beautiful and naked woman would attract any heterosexual male’s attention. However, if a man were given pictures of a young, beautiful, Eva Longoria in a bulky winter coat vs the much older, albeit attractive, Helen Mirren in a bikini, Helen wins. There are limits however. I’m pretty confident Eva still wins vs a naked Kathy Bates.

While on our honeymoon in the Greek isles, my wife and I went to a nude beach. Strolling by us was a bare Amazonian, Grecian goddess with jet-black hair and piercing blue eyes. Thank goodness for sunglasses, otherwise I would have had to avert my eyes to avoid seeming too pervy. My guilt at starring too long into the curvaceous sun was assuaged when my wife whispered, “Did you see her? She was stunning.” The best part was, a couple of days later, at the airport luggage carousel, we saw her again. The first thought that popped into my head was, “I’ve seen her naked!”

There’s even a famous website, Mr. Skin, that’s a detailed listing of every nude scene by any actress. Just type in an actress’s name and it will list which movies she’s been nude in and give information like, “partial left breast at 22 minutes 37 seconds.” Or checkout any movie’s 5-star rating based on how much nudity is in the film. Who else but a guy would go through so much trouble to create a database of nude scenes of a movie and nothing but the nude scenes of the movie? And who else but guys would pay money to have access to that list? (I have not subscribed, I just know about it.)

I’m certain it must be hardwired into our male brains. Before the internet, when I was a pre-pubescent boy, I would anxiously await the arrival of the Sears catalog. After circling all the toys and the new bike I wanted for Christmas, I secretly flipped through the lingerie section. Even though I hadn’t yet learned what to do with half naked women, I knew I liked looking at them. Now that I think of it, my son is about that age. I’ll have to teach him how to clear his search histories to avoid embarrassing moments starting up my computer.

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