Golf really is a sexist sport. The other day I showed up at the golf course and as it was 6:30 am there were only a few cars in the parking lot. On the driving range was one person hitting balls, and I did a double take because it was a woman. One, women don’t usually play golf by themselves, and two, are usually discouraged from playing on Saturday mornings. She had a pretty nice swing.

So, I head to the Pro shop to pay for my round and head off towards the first tee. I try not to hit practice balls before 1:00 in the afternoon. I do take a few practice swings and stretch a bit; I’m not a big fan of my wife’s “golf injury” laugh. The woman from the range drives over to join us. Pam is a nice person, with a nice golf swing. As she has had the benefit of multiple range balls, and Dan M. and I are lazy, she stripes one down the middle of the fairway while Dan and I barely make contact. We play the next few holes eerily similar; Pam is a very solid player. The group behind us hits their balls into the green literally the second we clear each green. This is the universal golf sign for “let us play through; you have a slow woman in your group.” With few exceptions, men think woman are slow. As with most stereotypes, there is a lot of truth to this but since everyone plays too slow in my opinion, I tend not to have a gender bias. I recently told my son while on the course, that they should sterilize all slow golfers so they aren’t allowed to perpetuate this gene flaw. He replied, “Just hit the ball Hitler.” I guess he thought I was being too harsh. Anyway, a golfer that plays fast is OK in my book and since Pam played fast and we were being held up by the slow group in front of us, QUIT HITTING IN TO US YOU OLD GEISERS!  Well after a while they stopped hitting into us because they realized they weren’t going anywhere fast and I happened to mention to them in passing that they had hit a really nice shot into the last green, and followed with “I know that because I was standing about 20 feet from where it landed.” As you can see, I’m not that subtle on a golf course (well at least if your over 70 and kind of scrawny).

Well, about hole number eight Pam mentions that it really annoys her that most golf courses don’t have restrooms out on the course or at least porta-pottys. While met with mild amusement, my comment of “just go in the trees,” didn’t help much. She waited until we made it back to the clubhouse after the ninth hole. Most courses don’t have restrooms on them, and those that do are usually private or expensive. I have always thought that the reason they are on the course is far more because they don’t want guys just peeing in the woods than a nice place for women to go.

There are many other things, like wimpy ladies’ tees, and the crappy tee times usually given to women, that prove how sexist the game remains. Well on behalf of middle-aged men all around, I welcome women to the golf course anytime they want. Play fast and us older guys will start diverting our prejudice where it belongs; towards these young slow guys that think they hit like Tiger Woods. What they fail to consider is when you take as much time per shot as Tiger and shoot 86 (instead of 68 like he does), you’re just taking a really long time.