posted by admin on December 9th, 2013

During the holiday season, whenever I see some mistletoe, I’m brought back to a fond memory of the best kiss ever. With all respect to my wife, the “best kiss” happened during high school a decade before I met her. And when I told her I was going to write about the best kisser in the school, she said, “You’d have to kiss every girl in the school to do that.” “Oh we did, we did.”

Many years ago, Matt W. and I were at our high school’s winter dance. We came across some mistletoe and had the brilliant teen-age-boy idea of carrying it around the gym and kissing every girl at the dance. We were the perfect guys to pull it off. Working in our favor, it was a fairly small school, only 900 students for three grades; so, everyone knew everyone else. And Matt W and I were just popular enough to be friendly with most of the cliques in the school. While not the “best looking” of our class, we were not horribly unattractive. And most importantly, we were more than goofy enough to do the job without being self-conscious or sexually threatening to them or any of their boyfriends.

We kissed EVERY girl in the gym: girls we were friends with, girls we only sort of knew, tall, short, skinny, overweight, stoners, jocks, cheerleaders, brains; we did not discriminate. If you were female and in the gym, we were going bring the mistletoe to you. Looking back, this may have helped encourage girls to give us a kiss, who might have otherwise thought it a cheesy ploy to get near them. (Although, I would not put it past a guy to kiss 100 girls just to get a chance to kiss one in particular.)

These were kisses on the lips, no cheeks. Most kisses were perfectly pleasant. Some were shy pecks. Some were playful smooches. One girl was awkward and clearly uncomfortable, but kissed us anyway. She had led a pretty sheltered life, and rumors were that in her first year of college, she went a little wild. But I digress.

Afterwards, while sitting at a table basking in the warm glow of our mission accomplished, I pondered, “Who was the best kisser?” With no hesitation, with no consulting glances, and no equivocation, we both simultaneously said, “Mary Q.” Of all the girls we kissed, accounting for our varying tastes and preferences, we both picked Mary Q’s as the hands-down best kiss. Now, Mary was a girl we knew, but didn’t hang out with. She was a junior while we were seniors. There was no emotional investment in picking her. Her kiss was the perfect softness, not stiff lipped or too mushy. Her kiss was moist but not slobbery. Her kiss lasted long enough to get the sensation but not linger. In short, the best kiss ever.

Since then, I’ve had more passionate kisses and more meaningful kisses. But nothing has ever toppled Mary Q.s kiss for best one-time single kiss. The best part is, I will be reminded of that great kiss at least once a year for many years to come.

Originally Posted: December 2011 by Joe A.

File Under Jack of all Trades