posted by Matt W on January 15th, 2014

My wife and I recently went to a Seattle Seahawk’s game in Atlanta. As we sit down, the couple next to my wife starts to make small talk wondering, “If we came all the way from Seattle… how far of a drive is it from Tennessee… blah, blah, blah.” Who cares, we’re at a freakin Seahawks game, quit the chit-chat and let me pay attention. My wife who is the person actually sitting next to them has a bit more of the chatting responsibility and asks if they are big Falcons fans.

“Not really, but our daughter is a Falcons Cheerleader. Turn in the program to the center page and there is a picture of her.”

So, while I watch the game, my wife turns to the page and opens to a picture advertising the Atlanta Falcons Cheerleader Swimsuit Calendar with a very pretty, very shapely, very young woman, barely contained by her almost non-existent bikini. I hear my feminist wife say, “She… is very beautiful.” As I look away from the game to see why on earth my wife is handing me the program in the middle of a play, she says, “Their daughter is a cheerleader for the Falcons, here is her picture.” The father and my wife are looking at me for my reaction. Talk about throwing someone under the bus; thanks dear.

So, what is the appropriate response? Within milliseconds I come to the conclusion there is no appropriate response for a man to make to the father of the girl in the picture AND his own wife. None.

“I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.” Non-father involved sarcastic wife humor, nope.

“Wow, I’m starting to get a bit of an erection.” Again probably not appropriate and might include a punch to the face whether it would be from the father or my wife is a 50-50 proposition.

“Are those real?” Bar room guy’s talk, nope.

“I can see where she gets it, your wife is stacked!” I would probably sleep on the couch for a week for that one.

I go with, “Oh she’s a cheerleader,” and am saved by the roar of the crowd signaling a good Falcons play; thank god they had one. I don’t make eye contact with the dad the rest of the game.

A woman’s body is a polarizing topic. On one hand, it is obnoxious to say the comments above because we’re dehumanizing women, but on the other hand, doesn’t the woman in that picture hope you’re thinking those things? The people selling the calendar certainly do.

It’s quite the battle. Women are beautiful and for better or for worse, men tend to look at them, and usually with sexual thoughts in their little brains. Women want to look good for themselves and for other women, but I would also imagine they like to turn a man’s eye. Men make women feel uncomfortable by staring at them, but while I don’t think of myself as some sort of evil man, my eye can certainly be turned by excessive cleavage or a tight skirt. In this case, both were on display.

As a father, I always hope that my daughter dresses appropriately. While the length of her skirts are definitely concerning at times, for the most part she knows what is and isn’t appropriate. It’s a fine line.

As Chris Rock says in one of his stand-up bits, “As a father, it’s all about keeping your daughter off the pole.” With that as the bar, the cheerleader’s father must be very proud.

File Under King of the Castle