posted by Matt W on August 14th, 2013

The other day, I was talking with a fellow employee about a project we were working on. I get along with this woman very well and enjoy when we get to work together which is fairly often. As I left her office this particular time, I said, “Have a great day!” Her reply of, “I like your butt” both startled and confused me. I just kept walking. As I walk back to my office, I’m trying to figure out what words are close enough that I could have confused them for her affinity for my cute posterior. As everyone in the South uses the word “bud” quite liberally I started to assume the last word was bud, but as I can’t quite figure out the rest of the sentence, I just go back to she likes my butt. Apparently, my recent workouts are paying dividends. Seriously though, the decreased clarity in my seeing and hearing, combined with a disturbingly jumbled connection with my brain has been playing a lot of tricks on me lately.

Earlier in life, it was always the other direction. As I have a low voice that is hard to hear unless you are looking directly at me, people misunderstood me all the time. Once when I was telling an employee to ship out some parts, we had finished early, I said “Ship the week-early parts in that box over there.” They heard, “Ship out the wee girly parts in that box over there.” Needless to say “wee girly parts” has been a joke in my life ever since.

Recently, it is the other way around and it is not limited to just my hearing. The other night my daughter was looking through TV shows trying to decide what to watch. As she scrolled down through the menu, I saw a movie about a “juggling lawyer who gets drawn into the mob.” “Stop” I say a little too loudly,”Go back.” Needless to say, I was very disappointed and a little embarrassed to find out she was a “struggling” and not a “juggling” lawyer, which would have indeed been very cool to watch. Both my eyes and my brain got me that time. I decided to read a book by myself.

It’s happening more and more. I spend a lot of time rewinding the last 15 seconds of my life trying to understand what really happened. “Oh, that makes a LOT more sense”, is a phrase that frequents my head these days.  In addition, as my eyes have gotten worse, so has my handwriting which means that in addition to second guessing what I see and hear others doing, I also second guess most of what I write down. Many blog ideas and grocery items are ultimately forgotten because I can’t read what I wrote. “Oh yeah, sorry dear, I forgot the chutney again.”

So what can I do to slow down the deterioration of my eyes and ears and probably most importantly my brain? Are there mind and body exercises I should be doing? Vitamins? What will stop this craziness? Well, as I get older I can always fall back on the fact that my kids will all be out of the house when I have totally lost it, so they won’t be there to mock me (I would indeed deserve it). That and the fact that apparently my butt is looking pretty good these days.

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