Married men hanging out with married women (those that aren’t your spouse) is generally frowned upon. While this has changed a bit over the years, it is still usually the case because, well, men are simple creatures. As Joe A. said in his blog Looking at Naked Women men check out women; it’s in our nature. I’m sure that even the Pope has walked down the halls of a church and while doing a double-take pondered, “I wonder what she looks like without that habit.” It’s just how we think. Because of this and other reasons, social interactions across gender and marital lines are still out of the ordinary.

This backstory leads me to the point of this piece. I played golf the other day with a buddy. We decided to get to the course early and teed off at 7:00 am. On the first tee, a woman drove up and said she was put in our group by the pro shop. Because I’m a married man (and I had already checked her out on the range), she was just another golfer to me. But 18 holes later, I was incredibly attracted to her…as a golfer.

Just so the female readers of this blog don’t think that men are constantly mind groping them, it was her swing that caught my sleep deprived eye.

First of all, Pam was a good golfer. She had a nice swing. She scored mostly bogeys with an occasional par. As with most female golfers, it was her short game that let her down more often than her full swing. (That’s something I have never understood as this is the more finesse dependant part of the game rather than strength.) But just as importantly or maybe more, not only could she play the game, she acted like a golfer.

As I mentioned in my blog, Friends and Teammates for Life, it’s nice to hang around people who get “it” with reference to golf. There is just an easy manner, golf mannerisms, inside golf jokes, golf etiquette, etc. A golfer is a golfer, and we know whether you are one or not. Pam was one of us.

For example, on one hole she hit her ball into a water hazard. Because it was a strange hole that is difficult to tell what type of hazard it is and where to drop, as she re-teed, I mentioned that she could actually drop on the other side of the water. Her response was “Oh, I know. It’s a Tin Cup thing.” Just like Kevin Costner’s character in Tin Cup, every real golfer gets that feeling that they’re so close and their next swing is the one, so they just have to try the shot again. It instantly made perfect sense to me and I laughed. She striped it down the middle.

Pam had good golf etiquette, and even made fun of Dan and me for acting like an old married couple, after she got to know us. She said, “Good shot,” when we hit it well, and said, “Good miss,” when we mishit the ball but it still ended up fine. Nothing gives away a fake golfer quicker than saying, “Good shot,” to a slightly mishit ball. (Years ago, I played with a great female amateur golfer and I hit a 1 iron to 2 feet from 250 yards; an incredible looking shot. I had hit it ever so slightly thin. After listening to my swing for a few holes, she had heard the difference and said, “That’s a really nice miss.”)

Well what really attracted me to her “as a golfer” was her incredible pair of persimmon Tony Pena fairway woods. They were in mint condition. They were really cool. They were her mother’s and she said that no matter how much technology improved, she just couldn’t get rid of them. Now that’s a true golfer. I told my wife this when I got home and she remarked, (and this is word for word) “Well, I’m surprised you didn’t propose on the spot.”

So after the round of golf, the three of us thanked each other for the nice round. This would be the time that I would normally ask for a golfer’s phone number, to make sure we got out and hit the course again sometime in the future, but as she was a woman first, and golfer second, that seemed kind of creepy. So, I just wished her well and said I hoped to see her out on the course again sometime. Maybe as times change, my son can have female golf partners, and a wife, and it won’t even be an issue. Maybe they’ll be the same person. Like I always tell my son, “If you ever find a woman that’s a real golfer, and bakes a great pie, marry her on the spot.”