posted by Matt W on June 20th, 2012

For Father’s day this year, I received a travel coffee mug from my children. On it are the “unique” sayings that apparently only I say anymore (or ever). I’m convinced my kids think I ride the fence between genius and insanity with long trips to the crazy side of the yard. It’s probably my quirky sayings that push me over the top.

10.  Sack of Dirt – I grew up Baptist and currently have kids; so it’s how I’ve always sworn politely. An example of how to use it would be, “Why are you driving slowly in the left lane you sack of dirt.”

9.  (Anything)… on a stick. When I first came to Tennessee I was talking to a big group of people about food and they started talking about great “County Fair” food. Every single item was “deep fat fried … on a stick.” It is my subtle way of mocking my southern friends.

8.  Funky Winkerbean – I also throw out Hokey Fritz a lot. I use funky winkerbean in describing something weird and hokey fritz to describe something out of the ordinary. “Hokey Fritz, that’s the biggest pizza I’ve ever seen.”

7.   What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back… a stick – The best joke ever.

6.  Hotter than a $2 pistol – I’ve never really understood the origin of this saying. I’ve narrowed it down to if a pistol costs $2 then it must be stolen, or if it cost only $2, it probably gets pretty hot when you shoot it.

5.  Better than a sharp stick in the eye. – I think we can all agree, most things are better than a sharp stick in the eye.

4.  Oklahoma City Sucks! – I’m a lifelong Seattle Super Sonics fan, so this is definitely in the swearing without a swear word category.

3.  Oy Vey – I started using this in High School for no apparent reason. Then at some point, I turned it into “Oy Vey, Batman.”  I don’t get it either.

2.  On a scale from 1 to 10… – By the way, I never give a numerical response which most people find confusing. “On a scale of one to ten, that was the best cherry pie I’ve had this year.”

1.   God Bless America – Which is half of the time used as a swear word and the other half of the time used to salute our country.

Seeing the things I say in a list back-to-back like this, makes me think maybe my kids are right.

File Under Jack of all Trades